Catharsis: Poetry and Prayer

“You and I
Are not what we seem
We were left behind
Given time
To realize our dreams…” Taken from You and I, by Zoya Smalling

I remember when my 14 year old brother died tragically in 2001. The news was delivered in a small quiet room of the hospital, the moment my world fell apart. I walked around like a zombie for 10 days.
It was 10 days later, I started to heal when I wrote the 1st poem I had written since his death. Although it took a long time after that first poem to feel normal again, that poem was the beginning of true mourning.

“I apologize
For not mourning you
While we were still alive
Leaving you to the rhythm
Of your own mind…” Taken from Apology, by Zoya Smalling

I had been a member of the poetry community for 3 years before my brother’s death. Writing was something we had in common.
He rapped and wrote prose. I wrote songs and poems. Being only a year apart we were competitive too. He couldn’t let a girl beat him while I could not allow my younger brother best me.

“After years and years
I still feel you in my breath
There’s not a sound
That compares to your voice in my head” Taken from Underneath the Willow, by Zoya Smalling

While we were each others biggest critics privately, we were also each others strongest supporters publicly.
We rushed to show each other new pieces of our own work we thought were absolutely inspired.
“I wonder if you knew
The effect you had
When you left
The Sun grew grey
I gasped all night
Beneath A willow
And prayed...” Taken from Underneath the Willow

I am proud of a few that have significant meaning to me. Many times, the poems that are lauded by the poetry community are the ones that leave me puzzled as to what others see in them. Such is life.

“...Please come back
And pull the trigger
Pain is such a slow way to die
You’re my heart
And I’m a prisoner
Of the only thing I ever loved in life” Taken from Underneath the Willow

Poetry is a catharsis for me. I channel my emotions unto paper. I explore the little creases of my mind. I talk to God. A poem is many times like a prayer.


“For this is all
I have ever known
I want to be found in your presence
Make your will my home…”


My Bible Study Community is like my second family. We talk about everything; Love, faith, sex, politics, gifts of the spirit, relationships, true Christianity, and bible stories.

We pray together. I have seen people join or visit the group with some serious ailments like cancer, and through prayer and fasting, the person was healed.
This is the first time in all my Christian experience that I have witnessed such faith and results.

My favorite part in our meetings is the praise. The sounds of the drums, tambourines, maracas, and clapping fill our meeting room while we sing.

Overall, we are seeking the same thing in life and understand each others struggles, because of our varied experiences and walks of life. We are not all the same denominations, if at all. The study group is open to anyone interested in participating. Although we meet 3 times per week, we keep in touch with each other through out the week.